I was at the gym last Saturday having a personal consult with a trainer. He began asking me many questions; how did you get so fat (OK, not quite like that, but in my head that's what I was thinking, he was thinking), how much do you want to lose, how old are you? How old am I, I thought. After having to think about it I told him 27.
Leaving the gym that day I started thinking, I'm not 27. I just graduated from high school. I can't be 27. Then it hit me. Has it been 6 1/2 years since I got married? I've got a husband and 2 kids. Who is this person? This can't be me. I'm not old enough to have 2 kids. I don't feel 27. I still want to tell people I'm 23. In my head that's how old I am.
Having these thoughts I began thinking of my kids. When they were born, how much they weighted, that first year, then the second year, then another new baby and all these thoughts were flying around. Now, Todd was preemie. After an extra week in the hospital he came home weighing a whopping 4lbs 6oz. It blows my mind they let me walk out of the hospital holding this little tiny human. He is 100% dependant on me. I had never been a mother before! What the heck was I doing with this little tiny human? He was a real baby, a real person and I had to take care of him? Did these people really trust me? What the?!?! Then I had Kylee and I began to think the same thoughts. This baby is a real human totally dependant on me. I had already been through this before. I had a 2 year old who, so far, was turning out just fine. It was going to be okay.
I know I sound crazy. I very seldom think this way, but when I do my mind sure does wander. And it wanders far, to places I didn't know existed in my mind. Then I come to a real solemn place. I am a wife, I love my husband. I am a mom, I love my kids. That is why I am a wife and mother. HF placed my husband and these kids into my care because He knew me. He knew I would be able to care for His children. He trusted me and that was all that mattered.
That is why I'm a 27 year old wife and mother of 2 children.
4 comments:
my thoughts exactly!
Thats funny that you write a blog about how you dont realize how old you are. I was just doing that the other day! I remember back when we worked at PB&C together and I was 18. Now I'm 24 and I'm a GM at PB&C. I still remember when you told me on Halloween that you were pregnant. Okay enough memories, I'm depressing myself!
Kasey, I was reading your blog and almost got a little teary-eyed! It was really poetic and it's just how I feel about my life right now too! Thanks for putting it into such beautiful words! (Okay, now I really do sound like an old 27, oops, 26 year old!)
I was beginning to think I was CRAZY! Glad I'm not the only one who feels like this! Thanks guys!
Post a Comment