Feelings...letting them rip

I'm seriously about to have a meltdown. I can't keep up with anything. I do a load of laundry and as soon as I turn around there are 3 more that need to be done and folded. My room has been taken over by it. I'll get my table cleared off and the minute I turn my back there's crap all over it. Baby junk litters my floor. Toys trickle down the stairs. The bills need to be paid, the bathrooms need to be cleaned, the floors need vacuuming and mopped. I'm so unorganized and I don't know how to get organized. I feel like I'm being pulled in 100 directions and the things that are most important get the shaft because I can't keep up on everything else. On top of all that stuff my walls are bare and I long for cute decorations and some sort of decorating unity, but I'm not a decorator so I don't know where to start. Todd begs me weekly to paint his room, but I don't know what to do and I'm too poor to hire someone who does. I want the baby's room to be pulled together and cute, but instead I pile tiny baby laundry on the ironing board and shut the door. There are people who are having real trials and real problems, so I HATE that I'm feeling this way, but I am. Why can't I be the put together mom, with a clean house, cute decorations, who goes to their kids class each week and bakes cookies everyday after school? I so want to be that mom. But I don't know how.  I honestly thought this stay at home mom business was going to be the best time of my life. I thought I'd have time to do everything since I didn't have a job to go to, but I don't. Plus my 5 year old thinks she's the boss of me, the baby and everything else so my brain just hurts most days after dealing with her. Some days I think going back to work would be easier. Something has got to give. I don't know how to do it all. I'm about to lose it people.

Too tired to blog!

Maybe one day I won't be.

I do have a lot to post.

But I'm just too dang tired!

Dang baby is eating me alive!

Who's awake?

I am.

I'm pregnant.

I'm hungry.

I'm stressed.

So, I'm up.

Watching CSI NY.

Eating some cearal.

And blogging.

I think I'm going to be VERY tired in the AM.

Blogging

it used to be more fun.

Now it's just blah for me.

I think Facebook has taken over everyone's lives.

Blogging is more fun to me.

But hardly anyone blogs anymore.

Or comments.

I'm just not that into it.

Maybe one day I will be.

Maybe I'm just grouchy.

The rain kept me up most of the night.

I think I'll be setting my nap alarm today.

Eye Opener

The other day I was heading to the dollar store.

As I was exiting off the freeway I saw a man with a sign.

I was feeling quite generous this particular day and got a couple bucks out of my wallet.

I never do this, but was thinking since it was the holidays and all why not.

As I got closer I read his sign and my jaw dropped to the ground.

The light had turned green so I clutched my money and kept going.

I thought to myself,  "I must have read the sign wrong." and wanted to get back on the freeway and drive past him again.

I was running short on time and just decided my mind was playing tricks on me and let the whole incident go.

A couple days later I was getting off the same exit hoping to see the man with the sign just to see if what I read was true.

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It was.

I've given money to these dudes before, not often, knowing full well that it wasn't food they were buying.

But, I'd really rather not know and think I was helping someone less fortunate than me.

I guess I've got to give him props for not lying, right?

Is this weird?

I totally want to post this sign in front of my house.

I can't handle it when someone who is not coming to visit me parks in front of my house.

It drives me nuts to look out my front window and BAM!

I see a white Chevy in front of my house.

I don't know who it belongs to, but it taunts me saying,

"Lookie who didn't come to visit you today!"

Am I the crazy lady on the street?

It makes me crazy!

Plus, we put grass in our front yard.

Actually, we are the only ones who put grass in the front yard.

It's friendly and inviting. I'd like for all to enjoy.

But you can't cause there's a white Chevy in front of my house and no one is here to see me.

I'm done.

Coming home

To the newspaper stealer in my hood:

Please hit up the gas station and pay your $2.25 for your very own newspaper. I pay good money each month for 4 Sunday papers for the coupons. When I come home from a long weekend and see that one of my treasured papers is missing it makes me very upset. You just robbed me of some valuable savings. So don't be surprised when I find out who you are and egg your house.

Regards,
Kasey A. Turner

I hate it when...

People don't return phone calls.

Thank yous aren't given.

Questions are asked and not answered.

Dishes don't do themselves.

My kids won't play outside unless I make them.

Money is a necessary necessity.

You get red slipped because the water bill is 2 months late...and you didn't realize the card on file was expired.

Cars break down.

You attend your yearly and the assistant with the doc is a girl you went to high school with.

Ward members don't communicate.

People you went to HS (high school-just for you Grami) with add you to be their FB (Face Book) friend, but you didn't even know they knew your name. Then they don't even leave you a "Hey! How ya been?" Don't add me just because you want a bunch of friends. Lame!

Okay, that's all for now. I might add some more to this list. I'm not feelin' the love. Sorry.

Procrastination

I have a serious problem.

I don't' know about you, but I am the biggest procrastinator!

Case and point. It is almost 10pm. I have a guy coming over to clean my carpets in the morning. I have known about this since Monday. Have I put away preschool tables, picked up the family room, moved furniture from the playroom, vacuumed? Nope. It's almost 10pm. When am I going to do this? Soon, very very soon. I'm sure I'll be up late. That was not the plan. Instead I opted today for a snooze on the couch after watching Biggest Loser on my DVR. Not a thing got done. I don't know why I do this. Perhaps it is because I do my best work under pressure.

I'd sure like to not procrastinate.

I'd get more sleep if I didn't.

I like to sleep.

Edited: It is now 12am. I got it done. See, things do get done under the gun!

I'm pretty sure though I'm going to be pretty tired tomorrow.

Embarrassed

It's totally embarrassing when you go to Costco, swipe your debit card and it gets declined. Then you swipe it again knowing there is more than enough funds to cover the $10.74 in croissant rolls you have just purchased for your SIL's baby shower that you're already running late for. Plan B, dig for the cash in your purse. Thank goodness for small miracles since Costco doesn't take credit and you have no checks with you. Feeling like poor white trash, like the lovely patrons behind me are thinking, you call the hubby to check the funds in your account. He claims there is more than enough to cover that transaction. After a short pause, he reminds me the card being used has been cancelled, remember? We received new cards that you nicely stashed in a pile on the counter. Oops. My bad.

Listen up people!

I have a whole monologue of what I want to say and how I feel about the subject of education, but it's just not coming to me. I'm pretty upset that in order to free up some money within the state they have decided the best place to cut back is education. Teachers, copies, specials...you name it they are cutting it. Hello people! The future of American is sitting in our classrooms. Seriously, is this really what they world is coming to? The last place the budget should be cut is education. Our children deserve the best, don't they? Just today my sons teacher told me she could not give me a copy of the word wall words because of budget cuts. This is the same reason she no longer sends homework home. Budget cuts. What's next people? No TP in the bathrooms? I already donate time and money to the school. My tax dollars should be hard at work, but I'm afraid they are being used else where. More important places like the prisons. Cause they need college educations, nice warm meals, TV's and weights rooms. They deserve PBJ's on a hamburger bun like the free meals at the schools. Okay, I'm done.

On a completely unrelated side note I can't stand this blog! Yet every so often I find myself looking at it and then wanting to poke my eyeballs out. If you enjoy it, there are no hard feelings.

48 Hours

So I enjoy a good murder mystery. I DVR 48 hours every Saturday. It may be a bit weird and creepy, but I like it. But it's not everyday you start to watch it and the face that stares back at you is of someone you once knew.

A couple years ago Rocky's family was introduced to a business venture called Prepaid Legal Services by this man .

Travis Alexander.

We have met him several times and even spent some time in his beautiful home.

It came as quite a shock to hear he had been killed last summer. It was very weird seeing his face and hearing his story unfold on TV.

I actually ran into him at the store a few days before he died. Never did I think I'd hear of his brutal murder a few days later.

You can check out some of the story here. Or you can come over and watch it. All I have to say is it is amazing what a person can do and then lie about it.

Funny how our jails are full of innocent people just like his killer Jodi Arias.

Check out her mug shot. She's totally smiling.

If that isn't creepy, I don't know what is!

Life Saver

This stuff saved my life! I never would have thought to take it, but a teacher friend of my moms said it kicks the cold without making you feel all weird. I started taking it yesterday afternoon, after a horrible day of taking other junk and still feeling like crap. I woke up feeling much better and kept taking it. I feel WAY better and I have Alka Seltzer to thank. I used to think this was only for old people, but I'm here to say it's for us 20 something mamas too!

Dang it

All I wanna know is who takes care of me when I'm sick?

Everything still gets done around here if any of the other 3 of us gets sick.

Those three being Todd, Kylee and their dad.

But who takes care of me?

Breakfast much be served.

Kids must be clothed.

Teeth must be brushed.

Kids need to be dropped off at school.

The baby I watch is dropped off.

Laundry must be done.

The kid needs to be picked up.

An errand to the store.

Lunch served.

Baby fed.

Zoo game turned on for Todd.

Naps for me, Kylee and the baby.

Baby wakes up too early.

Must take care of him.

Salsa is made.

Dishes done.

Too many things!

Which is nothing out of the ordinary for me,

but when you're sick it seems impossible.

Every bone aches.

My eyelids feel heavy.

My head is pounding.

My nose is running.

And I really just feel like crap.

Tomorrow has to be better or I just might die!

Our loss is anothers gain...I guess

Our truck was broken into on Saturday night.

The thieves made off with Rocky's X-Box.

They also jacked our portable DVD players.

They don't work though, so good luck!

They left my CD case.

Suckas! There was money in there.

They left us feeling violated.

We bought in our hood thinking it was safe.

Apparently not.

I'm glad they didn't break into our garage.

That would have been bad.

Hope everyone had a much better weekend.

Don't worry though.

Much to my dismay Rocky has already replaced his beloved X-Box.

I thought it should have to sting awhile.

He said it's been long enough.

So, I bought curtain rods and curtains for my house.

Now he has to put them up.

The Horrible No Good Experiance at Good Ole Wally Mart

I always want to kick myself when I choose to take not 1, not 2, but 3 kids to Wal-Mart. Why do I do this to myself? Oh, I know why...so some jerk can tell me what a horrible no good mother I am that's why.

Here's the story~~~

I pulled into the Wal-Mart parking lot on Friday afternoon. My children were being so sweet to one another~~insert sarcasm~~I got them out of the car. They were standing next to me hugging~~more sarcasm~~ I turned my back to get the baby that I watch out of the car~~I was talking on the phone while I as doing that, you know, cause moms can multi-task~~when Kylee full on close fisted socked Todd. She's so sweet like that. I turned around and grabbed her and hoisted into the cart. Out of nowhere this I hear this guy yell, "Lady! Get off the phone!" I thought he better not be talking to me! Then he says, "Lady! You've got kids. Get off the phone!" By the way, my kids were standing right next to me, not in the road, not in any danger because I do watch them. I was watching them. What he saw was classic case of mom has her back turned, a sibling fight, and I'm going to hit you! I then said to him, "You just need to leave." Then he proceeded to say, "You need to get off the phone." I then said again, "You just need to leave." and kept walking away. Then he said, " I hope you're not pregnant again!" I just kept walking because I was done listening to that. What the heck! I was fuming by the time I got into Wal-Mart. First of all who is he to tell me to get off the phone because I had kids. And then to tell me he hoped I wasn't pregnant again?!?! I got what I needed and as I was walking out I realized all the crazies were at Wal-Mart at that very second~~picture drunk dreadlock guy~~smelly homeless looking guy~~~old lady and her dog--in a bag. What a day! But I guess he was so right. I should so get off the phone cause my kids would not have been fighting if I wasn't, right? Next time I'll totally take his advice and not have any more kids either because I must be a horrible phone talking, back turned while my kids fight kind of a mother. Yeah right you stupid A-hole!

Going Nuts

This girl is driving me to drink.....Lots of QT Diet Dews that is. She is sugar and spice but forget about the everything nice! She's hot and cold and ugh. Sometimes I want to leave her at the local Wal-Mart. Her face in this picture describes her to a T. She's super cute but has an ATTITUDE! Some days are better than others, but so far today has been a war for us. Which is weird because she was fine this morning. Why do girls do this? Boys have their days too, but this girl man oh man! Just right now she wrapped tape around the neck of a stuffed monkey and drug it around. Talk about aggression issues. Does it get better or am in for it?!?

UGH

Why am I up looking at blogs! Tomorrow church starts at 8am for us. It'll be nice to be done by 11am, but come on! I can barely get Todd to school by 8 am and I just roll out of bed and take him. This will be a huge trial for me this year. Hopefully I can over come and and get me and the kids there on time. Rocky has to be 15 minutes early to help the boys set up for sacrament. We may be taking 2 cars.

A real update coming soon. Like when we went to Polar Express a month ago, Temple lights, family parties, Christmas, New Years. You know, the fun stuff. Who wants to hear me rant? Too bad. It's my blog and I'll whine if I want to!

Dumb Class

I had to write some dumb paper for the PE class I'm taking right now. This was his feedback:

The tone is not appropriate for academic writing, however you satisfied the rubric. I hope that your writing will improve in the future because I agree with most of what you are saying!

What the heck does that mean? I got a 95 out of 100, so was it really that bad? Come on dude! Must you rip apart everything? I've written plenty of papers in my bazillion years of schooling and no one has ever said my tone is not appropriate for academic writing. I'm so ready to be done!

Untitled

Sometimes I feel like there are never enough hours in my day. I can't seem to get anything done. I clean then there's another mess to clean up. I do the dishes and I turn around and the sink is full again. The laundry, well let's just say I can never keep it washed or folded. There is always something and I feel like I'm just treading water and can't get out. There's never time for me and I'm needing it so badly right now. I feel I'm everything for everyone except me. I feel very unhappy at times and all I want to do is lay on the couch. Nothing is never enough and when I give it my all it always seems to be undone in mere seconds or somehow backfires on me. I need another me. One to catch me when I'm falling. I have a great husband and good kids, but I feel like I'm never understood. They don't understand exactly what I need, yet I don't really know how to explain it to them. Between school, preschool, taking and picking up Todd from school, losing my keys, losing my cell phone, forgetting my wallet when my gas light is on, the nasty lady at the bank who didn't want to take pity on my poor wallet forgetting soul, but did in the end, grocery shopping, Christmas shopping, appointments, errands to run where do I fit in? Does it sound selfish to just want to be me, not someones wife or someones mom all the time? Maybe I'm just a baby. I don't know. Too many nights I stay up late or just can't sleep at all. The only thing that tends to calm the storm for the moment is hot cocoa and marshmallows. I'd go soak in the tub if I didn't always have to fish the toys out. Does it get better? Time to sign off and finish picking things up, again. Didn't I just clean the kitchen last night? How in the world does it get messy so fast? If you have the answers please tell me~~~and give me a solution to my problem.